What would I tell that friend who lost her mom all of a sudden over the weekend? That I have been only thinking of her ever since I heard the news, and that even though I never knew her mom, she has been in my thoughts? Wherever I turn, there are words – of different types and lengths. Suggest me one word that I could use to comfort my friend for I can’t seem to find any.
Time and again, I keep thinking how young she is. And that it is not her time to go at all. Then I see my friend’s whatsapp profile picture. There she is. So beautiful – full of calm and composure. Motherly. And then it hits me again. I have never met her and have not spoken a word with her. And yet, it hits close to home. I try to put myself in my friend’s position and immediately, the pain shoots up multiple folds. And then, selfishly I console myself by imagining my mom’s face. Immediately, guilt entraps me for having such a thought.
I know my friend would get stronger in a few days’ time but will it be the same again? Will it be the same for anyone who has lost their loved one? It can never be.
There is still a void in my life, a space that was once full is now empty. Something that can never be filled again. Every time I think of Thathi, I also think of how it would be if he were to live today. How happy he would have been, to see me have this life. I can only wish and be content with the happy memories. But then, I have all the other significant people of my life still around me. And I know I should really be thankful for that. However, does the same thought come across when you are mad at someone?! That none of us are going to live forever and fighting over petty things is worth nothing? I don’t think so. Why is grown up life so very complicated? Sigh.
Of late, I have been hearing a lot of bad news. For a person who thinks and overthinks stuff, it has not been very easy. Everything together has been weighing me down and I had nowhere to turn but here. Sorry if this post makes no sense – my raw thoughts put together.