Why oh Why?!

This is not the first time and I know, this wouldn’t be the last time. Ok, let me explain.

By nature, S is very helpful. He sees only the good in even the worst kind of people. He would give away the last of his possessions if it would help someone. He is the only person I know, who is selflessly helpful. And I am not exaggerating at all. The guy that we are talking about would not think twice to buy samosas for his so-called friend even if it means he would have to walk back home instead of taking the bus. He definitely did not think at all, when he accepted to teach his friends Digital Signal Processing on the night before the exam even if it meant, he could not finish studying himself and barely did well in the exam for his lack of sleep.

At one point in my life, this was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Five years into marriage, this trait of his has come back to bite us many times. From very serious things like losing a lot of money to silly things like missing our exclusive time for each other – I have witnessed all. I am not against his helping out others but when I see these people misusing his good nature, I just cannot tolerate at all. We both have influenced each other in all these five years we have been living together. S has taught me to see the good side of people and not to let my anger get the better of me. And in the same way, I keep telling him to think of the consequences or of the impact that his deeds would have on our life. Trust me, it is not an easy thing. To change either way.

Ok, why I am telling all this now? We are travelling to Chennai tomorrow and I had been looking forward to this trip + a happy long drive with a lot of happy songs and banter. I really wanted a break from the crazy work and was so excited about the trip. S being the saint at heart, has graciously accepted to let one of his classmates join us on the drive. Does it sound like it has happened to us before? Yes, you are right. This is not the first time. Although I know this girl and I know things would be okay (or even great), in spite of my anxiety around new people – I am not okay. One part of my brain says, S did the right thing by offering her a lift. And the other part, well the other part is screaming silently at S for ruining a perfect drive.

I know I am not very good at heart, atleast not as good as S. I am a little selfish but in my defense, all I wanted was some good time with just the two of us.

Advertisements

19 thoughts on “Why oh Why?!

  1. OK, here is someone who is going through the same for 6+ years:):);)
    Slowly, I can feel myself changing.. These days, I don’t bother when unexpected ppl come in to our long drives… If they are nice, well it’s just a good chance to chat! Else, I show off, how good hubby is!!;)

  2. I have been there & felt the same, it can be pretty taxing on the mind to be in your place GB. I say so from my personal experience. So please don’t think of yourself as selfish. Hope you guys have a good drive & a fantastic trip.

  3. GB, I can understand your dilemma, because I am somewhat like S. I always would feel that I should help/do my share for a friend/family or communal environment. But over the years (as I have gotten older and with life experiences and getting over the amazing optimism of the youthful age! ), I have learned a few things. There are some situations where you have to help someone even if there is a risk that the person may be fooling you – considering that our risk is small. There are some situations where you should just walk away, and mostly we will know these. The majority of the situations are usually with family and friends – here is where I have learnt my biggest lesson. You treat them exactly how they would treat you. It took me a long time to learn this, and I am still not very good at this. When you give more of your love/time/effort/money and when it is not continuously reciprocated, you feel very hurt. So I had to learn this to protect myself emotionally and financially.

    Best,
    SS

    • Wish I can make S to read this comment, SS. Big hugs to you. With S, although the financial part worries me, I am must admit I am more worried if he is going to get hurt in the end. Some people do not deserve our help. Period.

  4. I can so very much relate to what you are saying here. For the umpteenth time, I wonder just how similar the OH and I, and you and S are as couples. It has been ages since the OH and I went anywhere alone, or without running errands along the way – there has to be someone along. We are pretty much stressed out as it is, and it is rather irritating to not be alone even while you go out. I don’t mind him helping people out, but I do think we need some alone-time too. 😦

So, what's your say?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s