This is not the first time and I know, this wouldn’t be the last time. Ok, let me explain.
By nature, S is very helpful. He sees only the good in even the worst kind of people. He would give away the last of his possessions if it would help someone. He is the only person I know, who is selflessly helpful. And I am not exaggerating at all. The guy that we are talking about would not think twice to buy samosas for his so-called friend even if it means he would have to walk back home instead of taking the bus. He definitely did not think at all, when he accepted to teach his friends Digital Signal Processing on the night before the exam even if it meant, he could not finish studying himself and barely did well in the exam for his lack of sleep.
At one point in my life, this was one of the reasons I fell in love with him. Five years into marriage, this trait of his has come back to bite us many times. From very serious things like losing a lot of money to silly things like missing our exclusive time for each other – I have witnessed all. I am not against his helping out others but when I see these people misusing his good nature, I just cannot tolerate at all. We both have influenced each other in all these five years we have been living together. S has taught me to see the good side of people and not to let my anger get the better of me. And in the same way, I keep telling him to think of the consequences or of the impact that his deeds would have on our life. Trust me, it is not an easy thing. To change either way.
Ok, why I am telling all this now? We are travelling to Chennai tomorrow and I had been looking forward to this trip + a happy long drive with a lot of happy songs and banter. I really wanted a break from the crazy work and was so excited about the trip. S being the saint at heart, has graciously accepted to let one of his classmates join us on the drive. Does it sound like it has happened to us before? Yes, you are right. This is not the first time. Although I know this girl and I know things would be okay (or even great), in spite of my anxiety around new people – I am not okay. One part of my brain says, S did the right thing by offering her a lift. And the other part, well the other part is screaming silently at S for ruining a perfect drive.
I know I am not very good at heart, atleast not as good as S. I am a little selfish but in my defense, all I wanted was some good time with just the two of us.