How many of you remember this poem by Ogden Nash – This is going to hurt just a little bit? I do and have absolutely loved it ever since I have read it in standard 10. Tell me something, who would be able to put up something as intimidating as sitting in a dentist’s chair as funnily as Ogden Nash?
Sitting in a dentist’s chair is something most of us would be able to relate to, I am sure. I was unfortunate to spend an entire Saturday and some part of Sunday sitting in a dentist’s chair. What started as a root canal procedure last month, continued in a series of drilling and filing last weekend. I am absolutely not exaggerating when I am say that I had to keep my mouth WIDE-open for full two hours for the procedure. The drilling got onto my head and my mouth was left dry and parched, thanks to the girl who had the suction-tube ready in her hand all the time – just like the uncle who has this mosquito bat ready to kill off every single mosquito. As the dentist kept selecting the different sized drills and files, I kept counting the number of stars that kept appearing above my head. At the end of the procedure, my tooth was reduced to nil and I resembled a goblin.
I was assured a temporary crown until the permanent crown would be available. With less than three hours respite, I was back to my awkward position in a dentist chair. When I thought only the temporary crown has to be fixed, some more drilling happens. From being a goblin, I resemble a goon very soon with an ugly temporary crown that nowhere matches my other teeth. What more – I try to smile in a dark room, husband easily finds me with the help of my large, rough, insanely bright temporary crown.
If you think, that’s all there is to this story – you are wrong. With a throbbing headache, I go to sleep only to wake up after midnight to feel the temporary crown on my tongue. It came off. While I was sleeping *shudders*. With the temporary crown safely packed in a tissue, I go back to my *very used to* awkward position on my dentist’s chair. After some more drilling and strong cementing, the crown is fixed permanently only to be removed couple of days later with difficulty to fix the actual permanent crown.
So my dentist saga continues.
One final advice I get from my dentist is – “try not to smile for next three days ok?” In an office brightly lit, I am wandering today with my hand kerchief, lest I have a little smile.
Now for the Original Poem titled “This is going to hurt just a little bit” by Ogden Nash
One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.
And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.
Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,
But the one that is both is dental.
It is hard to be self-possessed
With your jaw digging into your chest.
So hard to retain your calm
When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm;
So hard to give your usual effect of cheery benignity
When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity.
And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on.
And it is all cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn’t a nerve in your head that you aren’t being irked on.
Oh, some people are unfortunate enough to be strung up by thumbs.
And others have things done to their gums,
And your teeth are supposed to be being polished,
But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.
And the circumstance that adds most to your terror
Is that it’s all done with a mirror,
Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,
But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won’t get mixed up, the way you do when you try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa?
And then at last he says That will be all; but it isn’t because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof
With something that I suspect is generally used to put a shine on a horse’s hoof.
And you totter to your feet and think. Well it’s all over now and after all it was only this once.
And he says come back in three monce.
And this, O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest, That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition
when the chief reason he wants his teeth in good condition
is so that he won’t have to go to the dentist.