This morning everything was as usual. I got up early, started preparing food, maid came in, completed her work just in time for me to finish cooking. I tried waking up S and after a lot of coaxing, he agreed to wake up *yes, his obsession with sleep still continues* Over the past few days, we have started going on our morning walks again. I have not fully recovered and my leg needs a separate post but I tired talking about it. I am trying to be as normal as possible these days and hence the morning walks.
Anyway, enough digression. We had good chat during our morning walk and when we were back home, we both had less than 45mins to prepare breakfast and get ready. I don’t know why I had to start, but I did start a discussion. In about a couple of mins, we were arguing. In the heat of the moment, I refused to see his logic and he did the same to me. 10 mins wasted from our precious time. I simply got up and carried on with my work in the kitchen. S did not move and that raged me up further. When he came into the kitchen, I went on get ready. We hardly had a minute’s time to discuss the matter any further. I can’t be peaceful unless I see the end of the discussion. Though we both had breakfast together, we hardly spoke. I think I expected S to start talking and I am sure he didn’t get that part.
In a few mins, he dropped me near my office on his way for an important meeting. I asked him to drive safely and uttered a quick bye. The traffic started moving and he had to go. I kept looking at him, expected him to look back at me but he just drove through the traffic. May be it was the traffic or he really was angry with me, I have no idea. Knowing S, it should have been the traffic but my mind refused to believe that during that moment. Soon, I got busy with my work.
Around 10.20, I get a call from this person who S was supposed to be meeting up with, 20 mins ago. She was in a panic and said S has not turned up for the meeting. I assured her that he has started and should be there soon. Again, in a tone of panic she said that she has tried calling him a number of times and not even once has he picked up. I told her that he must have got stuck in the traffic and that he was coming by bike, which would have made taking up her call impossible. I assured her that he would be there soon and with that, the call got cut. Though I assured her and answered her questions, my mind was racing with different possibilities. What could have taken S so long to reach the meeting venue?! Why hasn’t he been picking up the calls?! Where is he and what happened to him?! In less than minute, my heart was beating in my mouth. In spite of trying to stop myself, I called him a couple of times – no response.
I was cursing myself for having a stupid argument in the morning, for being angry on S. I should have discussed it through, instead of sulking inside. I should not waited for him to take the first step. I should have told him a proper bye and that he should have looked back at me.
I had to join a meeting in a couple of minutes and yet, gave one last try connecting to him – no response again. With my heart still thumping hard, I joined the call and in less than 2mins, I receive a call from S. Now neither can I attend the call nor leave it. I badly wanted to hear his voice, to calm my heart that everything is safe with him but my meeting had already started. After a long thirty minutes, I checked my phone to find that S had messaged me. My eyes were clouded and I felt an enormous relief.
Everything that happened this morning got me thinking. How things that seem too big suddenly seem too trivial with a little perspective. I don’t know if I could never argue with S again – that seems impossible but I think I learnt a lesson today. Never argue when you are going to see someone off. Especially if its about something too insignificant.