The past few weeks have been a living hell – to say the least. I have been sick and tired of this unexplainable enormous pain that I am suffering and have had enough of it already. What started as a slight back pain was very aggressive suddenly and I could hardly move my leg with sharp pain until my toes. Even after making multiple visits to the ortho doctors and taking tests, nothing was revealed. My frustration was beyond words – there I was with terrible pain, and the doctors kept prescribing me calcium and vitamins. I knew that it was to do with some nerve compression and that pain killers don’t work for such neurotic pain, but I as a patient should atleast have the right to know whats happening properly.
After one such panic struck visit to an ortho doctor, you know what kind of advice I got after the initial analysis – “don’t be depressed that you are not able to walk”, “keep up your spirits”, “think positively”, “we have to face anything that life throws at us”, “panic in situation as this is normal, but try not to get stressed it will worsen your condition”. When I was staring blankly at him, he said that he cant do anything but give me the same vitamin/pain killers which were not helpful at all. All I knew about my problem was through one word in his prescription – Sciatica. Apparently, that’s what I am suffering from. I had to do learn everything about it on the internet – even after paying hefty fees to doctor after doctor. The best part is – there is no cure for it in English medicine which no one bothered to inform us.
The pain itself is a horrible hell – I would take lower back pain anyday compared to this. Take a couple of days of bed rest and a bit of pain killers, should help. But this… As I get up every day, there is immense pain on the entire of my left leg, coupled with numbness and electric shock sensations every now and then. Ok, I try to sit for a few minutes – which feels better but as I get up, everything comes back much more intensively depending on how long I decide to sit. Ever since, I don’t have to luxury to sit more than a ten minutes at a time. Walking and sleeping are the worst affected by this. Whenever my thigh and hip joints work longer, the sciatic nerve is irritated even more which means I have to literally make an effort to lift my leg for every step. As I cant fully stretch my leg or put my weight on it, every twist and turn I make while sleeping is painful – so I wake up feeling like a zombie. As bed rest would only worsen the condition, I have not been able to take off from work but that doesn’t mean I am actually able to work.
Once I learnt that medicines don’t help the cause, I switched to pain management treatment. If pain was hell, I have no words for describing how painful the pain management treatment was. It follows a procedure of ice packs followed by hot packs and massages along with Electroson treatment. After spending a bomb with only a little relief for over ten days, I stopped that as well. I am now on to naturopathy which seems to help very little. Atleast I sleep for a couple of hours every night which in itself is a big improvement. Now that I have endured so much, I am thinking why did I not choose naturopathy the first time. Sigh. I have learnt a bigger lesson – no trusting Allopathy again, very easily.
No one likes to believe the amount of pain a problem as simple as this could be causing me. Its just one nerve! And I am tried explaining people why I cant let my concentration wander off elsewhere for a while. Imagine having someone drill down a huge screwdriver into your thigh bone while at the same time, waves of numbness and electric shock pass over the entire leg. If anyone can remain quiet through that, I will assume they have mastered the Zen. My pain threshold has grown bounds, thanks to this sciatica but next time someone says, “well, you should be able to walk – that’s no problem” I am going to bite off their head.
I have been writing a lot of mental posts these past couple of weeks, none of which came up here. I have been feeling an all-time low. I won’t deny that I have cried a lot in desperation, feeling helpless, frustrated and disappointed -wishing S wouldn’t have to leave me for even those few days inbetween every week or wishing parents were with me. And then, there have been times I have picked myself up, stayed strong, reasoned myself to be bold. I can’t lose hope now, not after what I have endured in the last five weeks. A month back, if someone had to told me that I would be very happy being able to lift my left leg in one go, I would have thought they were crazy. Today even a simple thing as lifting my leg seems a luxury. Such is life.