Such is life…

The past few weeks have been a living hell – to say the least. I have been sick and tired of this unexplainable enormous pain that I am suffering and have had enough of it already. What started as a slight back pain was very aggressive suddenly and I could hardly move my leg with sharp pain until my toes. Even after making multiple visits to the ortho doctors and taking tests, nothing was revealed. My frustration was beyond words – there I was with terrible pain, and the doctors kept prescribing me calcium and vitamins. I knew that it was to do with some nerve compression and that pain killers don’t work for such neurotic pain, but I as a patient should atleast have the right to know whats happening properly.

After one such panic struck visit to an ortho doctor, you know what kind of advice I got after the initial analysis – “don’t be depressed that you are not able to walk”, “keep up your spirits”, “think positively”, “we have to face anything that life throws at us”, “panic in situation as this is normal, but try not to get stressed it will worsen your condition”. When I was staring blankly at him, he said that he cant do anything but give me the same vitamin/pain killers which were not helpful at all. All I knew about my problem was through one word in his prescription – Sciatica. Apparently, that’s what I am suffering from. I had to do learn everything about it on the internet – even after paying hefty fees to doctor after doctor. The best part is – there is no cure for it in English medicine which no one bothered to inform us.

The pain itself is a horrible hell – I would take lower back pain anyday compared to this. Take a couple of days of bed rest and a bit of pain killers, should help. But this… As I get up every day, there is immense pain on the entire of my left leg, coupled with numbness and electric shock sensations every now and then. Ok, I try to sit for a few minutes – which feels better but as I get up, everything comes back much more intensively depending on how long I decide to sit. Ever since, I don’t have to luxury to sit more than a ten minutes at a time. Walking and sleeping are the worst affected by this. Whenever my thigh and hip joints work longer, the sciatic nerve is irritated even more which means I have to literally make an effort to lift my leg for every step. As I cant fully stretch my leg or put my weight on it, every twist and turn I make while sleeping is painful – so I wake up feeling like a zombie. As bed rest would only worsen the condition, I have not been able to take off from work but that doesn’t mean I am actually able to work.

Once I learnt that medicines don’t help the cause, I switched to pain management treatment. If pain was hell, I have no words for describing how painful the pain management treatment was. It follows a procedure of ice packs followed by hot packs and massages along with Electroson treatment. After spending a bomb with only a little relief for over ten days, I stopped that as well. I am now on to naturopathy which seems to help very little. Atleast I sleep for a couple of hours every night which in itself is a big improvement. Now that I have endured so much, I am thinking why did I not choose naturopathy the first time. Sigh. I have learnt a bigger lesson – no trusting Allopathy again, very easily.

No one likes to believe the amount of pain a problem as simple as this could be causing me. Its just one nerve! And I am tried explaining people why I cant let my concentration wander off elsewhere for a while. Imagine having someone drill down a huge screwdriver into your thigh bone while at the same time, waves of numbness and electric shock pass over the entire leg. If anyone can remain quiet through that, I will assume they have mastered the Zen. My pain threshold has grown bounds, thanks to this sciatica but next time someone says, “well, you should be able to walk – that’s no problem” I am going to bite off their head.

I have been writing a lot of mental posts these past couple of weeks, none of which came up here. I have been feeling an all-time low. I won’t deny that I have cried a lot in desperation, feeling helpless, frustrated and disappointed -wishing S wouldn’t have to leave me for even those few days inbetween every week or wishing parents were with me. And then, there have been times I have picked myself up, stayed strong, reasoned myself to be bold. I can’t lose hope now, not after what I have endured in the last five weeks. A month back, if someone had to told me that I would be very happy being able to lift my left leg in one go, I would have thought they were crazy. Today even a simple thing as lifting my leg seems a luxury. Such is life.

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66 thoughts on “Such is life…

  1. Hey Hi,

    I know its easier said than done,i understand how you must be feeling.Its when we are deprived of the basics that we realise the value of it. We,your readers/fans are there for you virtually and would definitely pray for your speedy recovery.

    Don’t lose hope,stay strong. This too will pass.God bless you.Take care

    Love
    Kavi

  2. Hugs hugs hugs GB. Hope you get well soon. Please take a break from work if possible. How long you will have to suffer. There should be some cure no? I really don’t know. Hope you find some cure soon. Take care

    • Thanks a lot Tharani. Work had been quite hectic until last week. Planning to take off this week. This is what I keep asking myself too- there has to be a cure no? Apparently none except for surgery. Doctors are asking to manage my pain. Sigh. On to some Siddha medicines now which are helping a bit.

  3. I feel sorry for you GB, although the best thing that i can do is offer a little prayer for a second that your pain subsides, and your health starts coming back to normal, as soon as possible.

  4. Hi
    I can completely understand your situation. I have been recently diagonosed with irritable bowel syndrome. I wake up each day praying I don’t get it today. U don’t know when you will have those episodes.
    But as you say such is life.
    Take care.

  5. I don’t know if you are referring to “Naati Vaidya” when you say naturopathy. A colleague of mine whose nerve got compressed when her mom was giving her a massage for back pain, suffered for a week, not being able to even get/sit up. She finally took the naati vaidya treatment where they were able to move the nerve back to the right position. She is absolutely fine now.

    Take care! And do take off from work. Nothing is more important that your health!

    • Yes Arch. I referred to Siddha when I said Naturopathy. I am giving special oils and packs to apply along with medicines. It has helped a bit until now, better than the normal tablets prescribed by the Ortho. In the worst case, the doctor has asked me to come to his clinic to check the nerve position.

      I am planning to go to Chennai to check with this doctor and to stay with my parents. Hopefully it should work out.

    • Thanks Sri. I am not sure what has come over me. First the fever and now this. First each doctor said I am weak from fever, now no one knows why I got this so intensively. What I did for ten days is something like physio only – it was more than painful. Sigh.

  6. Hey! Sorry you are going through this. Why won’t they prescribe anything other than regular pain killers for sciatica? Is this in India? I’m a pharmacist myself, so curious and concerned definitely. Let me know if I could be of any help at all, if you want to talk about it or anything? Would love to help.

    • Hi Revs! I am not sure why are they not prescribing anything at all than some vitamins. Pain killers were prescribed only on second or third consultation and didnt help at all. May be they think my pain is not that bad cos they couldnt find any fault with my X-ray. It has happened with three Ortho doctors in both Chennai and Bangalore. Anyways, I am now on Siddha medicines which seem to help a little bit.

      Thank you so much for writing to me and offering help. Hugs.

  7. omg,thus is bad. Happened to a friend of mine, around your age. US docs couldn’t do much. She went to India, got lots of massages and recovered really well. She now has a lil baby too. Never reoccured. Your description is the exact same thing she had about two years ago. Do you want me to text her and get details on massage therapy/ treatments she underwent in India in those two months??

    • Thanks for this comment, Pop. It is after reading this that I got a tiny bit of hope. I am feeling better than last week, so its a very slow recovery. I am going to be with my parents for a few days and consider some more siddha treatment over there. Thanks for offering help, I will mail you if I need more info 🙂

      • Maybe my friend tried siddha too..not really sure what. Knew it was all naturopathy and involved massages at her home in Coimbatore. Send me an email if you ever need me to ask her – she lives on the other coast but we keep in touch through whatsapp etc so not a problem to ask. Good luck and hugs.

  8. Ohh take care GB…I was hoping you were MIA for good reasons but this is so disheartening. Hope this treatment works for you and you recover soon. Hugs GB…take care yaar!!

    • Thanks Smita. That is exactly the question I keep asking myself every now and then – there has to be cure no? Unfortunately there is nothing much. If the problem is caused by a disc prolapse or some tumorous growth, then surgery is one option. If not, they just prescribe the same medicines. Been to three ortho doctors already. Sigh. I am going to stay with my parents for a few days atleast.

      Hugs right back, Smita.

  9. ouch! stumbled on your blog recently. So my mum had a sciatica attack and the only thing that helped her and was recommended was a traction. If that is something you want to explore let me know, I can try and get you more information.

  10. GB.. Hugs dear! I haven’t experienced what you are going through, but mom has and it is enough for me to understand. 😐 I really don’t know what to say other than hope for things to get better. Lots of love …

  11. I was about to say sciatica after I read a few lines of your pain descrption. But it looks like you have figured it out already.

    What helps is heat therapy, exercises that stretch the muscle around the hip joint called the pyriformis muscle. Look up for videos online and start slowly.

    Also massages ( by qualified ppl) also and ultrasound therapy for muscle pain helps.

    If you are into yoga, be careful about doing forward bends as it can aggrave the problem. If you had any xray or MRI, check for disc prolapse. That can result in sciatica. Mostly sciatica is caused by not stretching the pyriformis muscle.

    • Hi Uma, yes its Sciatica and thanks to internet I know a lot about it now. I have been on heat and cold therapy, massages, UV therapy, stretching and what not!

      Thanks for your comment.

  12. Hey GB…please take good care of yourself…hope this treatment works for you…ask you parents to come and stay with you some time…if possible…take care dear..

  13. Dear GB,
    {{Hugs}} I can only imagine your pain from your words. My father has a prolapsed disc (vertebral disc) from quite sometime and i have seen him in similar agonizing pain since a long time.
    Please do take care of yourself and if possible visit your parents or have them visit you. It will definitely help lift up your spirits in this very difficult phase.
    Sending lots of get well soon wishes, prayers & positive vibes your way.

    • If there is something I wouldnt even want my worst enemy to suffer, its this back pain. It certainly seems small, but shuns the life. Hope your father is ok now.

      I am planning to visit them first ME. Amma has been worried ever since they left Bangalore. May be they will come to stay with me for a few days.

      Thanks a lot ME, for your wishes.

      • The idea of you visiting your parents sounds good ( please take extra care during travel though). My father has this severe back pain since 2008 there has been nog much relief despite many measures.
        Life can be pretty painful at times. But don’t lose hope dear, take it as a rough patch of life, that I pray ends super soon.
        Much love 😘

      • Omg. My heart goes out to him. I keep getting severe backpain once a year atleast ever since I have joined the software bandwagon, and I know how hard it is. Hugs.
        And thanks ME. I will take care during travel. You are so sweet.

  14. OMG.. sorry I missed this post. have been away from blog world. hugs GB.. big big hugs.. Hope you are feeling better now. I will definitely pray for you..

    • Hugs right back Ani. I have a long way to recovery but parents are now with me which is a huge relief. Thanks a lot for your prayers. How is LHB now? Had been meaning to write to you for so long.

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