Parents and Worries

I left home for my job. Parents were still young (compared to now!) and sister was with them. I went home every weekend for 3years, until I got married and had to do roller coaster ride between ILs and parents after that. Two years back, sister also got married and moved out.

Amma suffered a huge empty nest syndrome whereas dad still had his routine life, as he had his office and friends to look forward to. Now the problem is, Amma has split mind set. Her mind knows that we are going on with our lives and are happy with our husbands. The culprit that the heart is, just misses us – no matter what the mind tells. For some reason, she didn’t share this with dad also. May be she thought he wouldn’t understand. Whenever possible, we visited each other but visits are just visits, they don’t become stays. Sigh. No matter how much we reason with her, to enjoy the carefree life that she could have now – she wouldn’t agree. Thankfully, dad’s retirement came at the right time and now they have each other for company throughout the day. One would guess that things should get better, but no. Now dad suffers from this emptiness – not only that he misses us, he misses his work too.

Age is coming on them both. With age, a number of worries surround them too. Dad cannot see Amma lying down even for a minute. Even if she is only tired, he thinks she is not well and gets really worried. Most of the times, our comforting over the phone doesn’t help much. And he over-thinks. Gets tensed. Loses sleep. And then during doctor check, his BP shoots up – which scares amma a lot. And now she loses sleep. I get worried knowing that there is nothing I am able to do.

And they become quite unreasonable. Like this – A number of times I have told Amma to be careful in our backyard while plucking flowers for God. She would brush it off saying nothing would happen. And just like that, she got stung by a huge honey bee and had her hand swollen to three times the actual size that she could hardly lift her finger. She dared dad not to tell this to us.

The other time, she saw a very little snake in a hibiscus flower. She was scared, for just one day. Or, the time when a huge snake entered our home and amma was all alone. Again, she was terrified only for a couple of days. She still continues to leave all the doors open all through the day.

Where do I start with dad.. Sigh. He is used to being at work every single day. He is easily bored these days and finds all sort of stuff to engage himself. Like the other day, he climbed onto a coconut tree using a ladder. What if he loses balance? One time he was trying a fix our showcase glass door himself. Accidentally it fell on him and left a huge scar on his left hand.

The incidents are many. How can I even try to reason with them, if they not tell us in the first place? Only after a few months, they bring it out in the open. And even if I try to talk, they would not listen which only increases my worries for them.

How I wish they can be within my reach all the time…. Sigh.

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30 thoughts on “Parents and Worries

  1. Well don’t try to talk them out of it is what i would advice , parents are set in their ways and at this age it is difficult for them to change ..

    I can perfectly understand the situation , I kept pestering my parents to come to uk and be with me here .. they came and went back .. and now dad is gone and i cant persuade mum to be here .. so have no clue what to do … 😦

  2. Im totally with you! I completely understand. Amma appa do not tell me much. They dont want me to get worried.
    Similarly, i dont tell them few things at times so they dont get worried. May be this is how it is?? I dont know. Its scary and i worry thinking about it!

  3. GB..I get this. Same worries and I see them less frequently since we are continents apart. Every time I see them, they seem to have aged. Communication between them about what they are feeling is also poor….wish they would atleast talk to each other and be there for each other. My sis will probably leave home this year and dad retires in few months. Tough year ahead. Sigh!

  4. 😦
    you know what GB…not telling us is biggest crime they do..Thats not right…they dont understand..but it becomes the biggest reason for our worries…..
    Do tk care of them….in whatever ways you can..

  5. I hear you 😒 i always sleep with mom n dad.. three days before my wedding, my mom wakes me around 2am to tell she s not feeling well.. After puking several times, i mixed rice kanji m pickle and gave her to drink, all the while thinking what will she do when im gone 😭 the only relief was my brother n SIL living with them. Nw tht he has shifted to Chennai, im not at peace at all.. Why cant we get married n still have our parents with us? 😞

  6. Agree each and every word in this post. I have the exact same feelings and worries about my parents especially after sister’s marriage. I can totally relate to you..Hugs. And don’t worry nothing in this world can match daughters love. Our parents are blessed to have daughters.

  7. I know exactly what you mean. That is the worst thing about being so far away. My mum and dad are amazing, they keep themselves busy, are very positive, but I feel miserable that I am so far away.

    • Its nice to hear about your parents. I cant I want my parents to be keeping themselves busy Smitha, but not in ways that can hurt them. And about the distance, the lesser said the better.

  8. I know not who u are, but your post made me want to reach out to u and comfort u… I try to avoid thinking about my parents aging and going through all the things u mentioned about yours. Your parents are always heroes in your eyes, and to see them turn frail is just so hard to accept, isn’t it?

    • You said it right Manasa! Its hard to see them this way. At times I really try not to think of their age and the distance between us. But other times, mind just loses control. 😦 Thanks for replying! Hugs.

      Welcome to my blog 🙂

  9. Almost everytime I read a post of yours, I find myself nodding away. It makes me wonder why it took me so long to find your blog 🙂 I have the blog marathon to thank, I guess 🙂

  10. I can totally relate to this post. It’s hard to stay alone in the old age. The worst part is they can’t even be convinced. You know how much I have been persuading mom to move closer to us. But all in vain! Every other day there will be something and I get worried.

    All I can tell you is, be calm. It’s hard for them to not do anything and be idle. They’ll be more lonely then. Visit them when you can and talk to them. That’s all you can do…

    • Thats my worry too Arch. Convincing them is a big big problem. Hopefully your mom will listen to you soon.

      I am not asking them to be idle at all, but why do all unnecessary work 😦 Its not like they are young anymore.

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