I was 10 years old then..

A family function. All of us kids along with a couple of elders were sleeping on the terrace on a very hot humid night. I had my Amma next to me and the sister on the other side. The same was not the case when I got up the next morning. Amma was nowhere to be seen – may be she got up early to catch up with the house work already. One of the elder cousins’ leg was on me and his hand over my chest. He was trying to kiss me or so I think now. It took me all of ten minutes to get out of his hold and all this time he tried to close my mouth so that I wont wake up the other cousins. I was 10 years old then.

***

Electric train. We were going to the Central to catch our train, the one which could take us to our grandparents, where we were supposed to have wonderful summer holidays. The electric train was crowded. Dad was struggling to get in with all the luggage, at the same time getting us all in too. Suddenly, I felt a hard pinch on my left breast. With teary eyes, I made it inside the crowded compartment trying to understand what had just happened or who did it. I wondered why Amma had pestered me to wear a duppatta on my long skirt – top. I was 10 years old then.

***

A family outing. We all were enjoying the fun rides at the newly opened theme park – Kishkintha. There was this beautiful floating bridge over a man-made pond. I pestered all of us to go over it, for I had never walked on one. Just while I was keeping up with my parents, I felt a hand reach my breast and hip at the same time – two big squeezes.  My joy was killed right at that moment. All the way back, I wondered why this happened in-spite of me wearing a duppatta just as Amma asked me to. I was 10 years old then.

***

These are my very first (and definitely not the last) encounters to sexual assault. No matter how hard I try, I cant get these out of my head. Except for the first one, I have shared it all with my Amma. What could I have done or how could I have attracted someone at an age of ten? I don’t understand.

My heart goes out to the 6-yr old who was raped in the Bangalore school.  The question in my head remains the same – how could someone do this to a baby?!

I am speechless and I am speechless out of anger.

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37 thoughts on “I was 10 years old then..

  1. Hi GB!

    I can totally relate to this, which is kinda depressing. It is just really sad that every women I meet, and every woman, has this sort of story to narrate! 😦

  2. ouch, this hurts! I am sharing this post link on my blog. I think many of us have written about this, and these views needs to be shared!

  3. Pingback: Do I want a daughter? | MetaGravity

  4. how could they do , Well for starters they know , that no one will come ot know it was them .. and then they also know , SO what in a week time everyone will forget what happened and move on to the new story

    It makes me MAD especially when the thought comes what can i do , only one thing comes to mind KILL THEM..

    I remember i was in final year and my sis came crying home, I reached home and saw my dad boiling in anger .. he did not say a word and asked follow him..went and the only thing left of the three guys were they were not dead.. I doubt if they would ever have looked at any girl

    but the thing is I grew up too and so did my friends ,we never ever thought of doing this , pinching someone etc etc, yeah we had our own hormonal things but never thought we would go this far, I mean we been to camps , treks with girls etc etc

    Not sure what the world has come to
    I sound EVIL i know

    • You are not Evil Bikram. They are. And as you said they must be Killed. Every single person on whom there is a case for rape or rape attempt or sexual assault – all of them. There has not been even a single case where there was instant justice. We are in a country where the victim is made accused and the actual accused can get away with the money. All this should change and the change can happen only when there is stronger punishment.

      I am glad you and your father saw the better of those guys – they deserved it.

    • Whats wrong with your comment? I found it alright – we are all emotionally disturbed with all these incidents and what you said makes sense to me. This country needs good people like you.

  5. Hugs GB.. I don’t know what to say. I am in total loss of words too. I am feeling scared, agitated, helpless all at the same time.
    God made us as a sexual object but then at least he should have given us enough physical strength to handle these molesters. But the he had been partial there too making us the weaker sex.

  6. my fear for my daughter is manifolding every single day GB and my heart goes to the 6yr old.. how could those barbarians? how? No words.. I keep telling Adi that this is not a fair world and not everything she would encounter would be rosy and beautiful.. Its time for her to know about the bad side too and be prepared and bold to save herself.. Headlines everyday is only taking away the little hope..

    • Yes Ani the world is not fair at all and every parent should prepare their kids to face the reality. But.. but.. I always believed school is somewhere a kid feels safe. This incident has shaken me up so much.

  7. I’m so sorry GB you went through that misery…..sadly most of us did in some form or the other…..last year we were contemplating on moving to India and the husband and I thought b’lore was the ‘safer option’ to raise our Daughter…..this shook me up so bad…..I’am still seething with rage and my heart goes out to the little girl whose childhood is stolen forever….these kind of perverts should be hanged….as for the school I don’t have words for their insensitivity at dealing with the whole situation…..

    • I know and thats what makes me really sad. There isnt one woman in this country who can say she stayed away from this kind of torture. And now all these news about kids being raped. I cant stand it at all. Something has to be done.

  8. Honestly, I wish I could kill all these devils…every abuse victim is helpless no doubt, but how can somebody do such a horrible thing to babies!? This incident has just scared the hell out of me. I can’t begin to imagine the helpless situation in orphanages and government schools…:'( All those little ones, I cant sleep easily these days.

  9. Your post really struck a chord in my heart GB. I have had some terrible experiences too. And yes, the memories never fade .. I have the same question .. What can they get out of a mere child?? Does the fact that she is a girl suffice?
    Thoughts of what all physical and mental agony that 6 year old child would have undergone haunted me and made me sleepless for quite a while. And imagine the parents’ state!! What pain they must be going through ..
    I feel public humiliation followed by capital punishment should be given to these animals. They deserve no trial or justice whatsoever.

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