Loneliness and Art

Its been close to a year and half S moved to Chennai. Though I have had my ups and downs ever since, I have never felt at peace. My loneliness took over me most of the times. Yes I had S and my family just a phone call away, still I missed the physical presence of someone with me. Many a nights I have cried myself to sleep, which would put S in a very difficult position too. Over the phone, he cant console me and I didn’t want that too – sometimes crying just helped me ease my pain more than the comforting words. As I have said a number of times, it was our mutual decision. Yet, in times of terrible loneliness I would compare my life with that of S – who stays in his home, in the comfort of his family versus me who would have to be all alone – which isnt fair. Come morning, I would feel fresh and guilty for having such shallow thoughts. So, it was more or less a cycle. Some days were good and some were bad – I pretty much got used to it.

And yet, my stress levels have been at alarming levels for the past couple of health checks at my office, that is in the past 1.5yrs. The doctor who happened to meet with me this time had been extremely positive. She asked me why was I feeling stressful. Strangely, I had no answer. I know I am not with S all the time but is that what is stressful to me? Then she kept asking these questions as to why am I feeling lonely and whats my constant worry. Again, after a lot of thought I answered her I am afraid I would be left to deal with any issues. Her next question was what kind of issues. Given that I lock my door at around 6, I am not afraid of any intruders. So then, whats my worry? All I could think of was, water problem. Lame I know. Her questions made me think a lot and in the end, I understood there is no single issue I need to be stressed of, just because I am alone. These were her exact words to me after that –

Accept to the fact that you are going to be alone for some more time and move on with life. There is no point in brooding over something that cant be solved right away. You have a husband, who loves you so much and is very loyal to you that he travels down every weekend to be with you. Its just the circumstances which have separated you both. Stay positive, meditate, do what you enjoy, exercise, eat and sleep well.

Its not that any of this is new to me and yet it was like looking at truth in the eye. Shouldn’t I be happy that I am never left alone on a weekend than sulk over the fact that I am alone during the weekdays?! If I miss S, I know he misses me even more during the week. I can say that my life changed a tiny bit, after talking to that awesome lady. It doesn’t mean that I send off S with a happy face – I have a long way to go, but I am atleast not bothered much about being alone now.

I happened to watch this video shared by Tharani, and felt really good. After all, its not that bad being alone. Like yesterday, I had no work after going home in the evening. I wasn’t feeling hungry. There was no one to disturb me or bother me. I looked over the entire house to find two little pots and started painting them right away. What fun it was! Scrubbing the mud pots, choosing colors, squeezing the dried out paints out of the tubes until fingers started hurting, making some childish patterns on those pots and finally clicking innumerable pics! I had a whale of a time doing this!

 m_IMG_5166 m_IMG_5173 m_IMG_5174

See being lonely isnt at all that bad.


36 thoughts on “Loneliness and Art

  1. GB I am starting to understand the thin line between being alone and being lonely and both are not that bad at all. Sometimes it is okay to feel loney to understand the importance of people around us. And I am starting to enjoy the alone time as I don’t know for how long I will get this me time and know most people who are longing to have some time for themselves 🙂
    You have come a long way already. Big hugs to you. The pots looks lovely 🙂

    • Ah how true Tharani!! Being alone and feeling lonely is not the same. One can feel lonely even in a room filled with people. And yeah, I have started to enjoy the lone time too! You are correct 🙂

      Tight hugs to you too 🙂

  2. Perfect, it is not at all boring, when you have your loved ones a phone call away. Hubby travelled out of country this weekend and he is already missing the kids so bad. I need to tell him this….

  3. This too shall pass! Don’t feel lonely.. Keep writing.. We are here to read you and comment and stay in touch! 🙂 Btw, super painting.. loved it! You have real talent 🙂

  4. Beautiful pots! And, I loved the words of that doc. Applies to almost every situation in life. We choose to be happy or sad; external factors notwithstanding.

  5. Hi Green Boochi! 🙂
    (1) Love your name! 🙂
    (2) Don’t know how or why I didn’t come across your blog..Loving it! 🙂
    (3) Totally totally get the whole stress about being alone thing. Even I keep feeling that despite everyone being a call away. I can’t wait for this phase to end.
    (4) Adding you on my reader. Count me as a regular on your blog now! 🙂

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