** As soon as you hear a word that a TV is not working through just dial, grab your phone the very moment, talk very nicely to the customer – offer home service.
** Once at the customer’s place, open up the TV – pretend doing something on the motherboard. Claim that the TV cant be fixed right away and that you would have to take back to your lab. (Customers may grow suspicious, so quickly flash your ID card and put down a receipt). Also, confidently commit that the TV would be returned in a couple of days.
** When the customer calls you after two days, don’t pick up the call.
** Now they would call your receptionists at office, inform them to be wary too. At no cost they should give the customers right status about the TV.
** Drag it this way for 15days. When the customer grows impatient, have the call transferred to your so-called-boss.
** Your boss should really play along. Make him say that some parts of the board needs fixing and that would cost ~4500 bucks. Now, he has to be real confident about it. Also make sure he delivers the message that you are all working very hard in bringing back the TV.
** Customers would call you again after a couple of days. Tell them that you are waiting for the spare parts that you have ordered for them. Don’t let them get any suspicious.
** Now, you really cant expect the customers to be silent at this stage. They are bound to be angry. So, make sure you keep telling them “TV will arrive today” for every call they make.
** This wouldn’t work for long and they are going to shout at you soon. Make sure you keep your mobile in “not reachable/switched off” mode all the time. If you have a couple of numbers handy, good for you.
** One of the most important things is to ensure your office people know no English. That way, they can escape all the scolding/shouting from the customers. Like a parrot – train them to tell that “TV will come today sir”
** In your customer’s family, you cant expect everyone to be calm or soft. For example, the wife can lose temper very badly since you have not given back the TV in the last 40days. She may shout at you – so make sure you understand nothing of it and then keep on saying ok. She may even drag the husband to your so-called-office which is 25Kms away and scream at your guys. Her looks can threaten to kill you. Pretend as if none of it is happening. They would be gone soon. If not, simply tell them that their TV is in Chennai for additional repair. With no other option, the couple would be gone – only after the wife scolds all of you one more time with her deadly stares.
** As things have gone this far, you don’t have time at all. Deliver the TV during the weekend. You would see both husband and wife smiling after looking at their TV. But then, you should be goofy – remember? Just when you try to fix the stand to the TV, let the wife realize its not their TV at all. Before she goes into scream-y mode again, make a call to your boss. Make him tell the customers that they can have this “new model TV”. Wife protests hard asking for their TV only, so take the one you brought back. Promise them theirs would be delivered soon.
** You can take chances with Power cut, Pooja holidays, Mobile switched off and all that crap for next 5-6 days.
** When you start getting scolding from the husband as well, really work on the TV and deliver it to them in the next 4days.
** Make sure you switch on the TV infront of the customers, tell them to use a stabilizer. Get the money from them quickly. Promise them it would work fine.
** Now that they would have the stabilizer also, you really cant blame them/power fluctuation if the TV stops working.
** As expected, TV wouldn’t switch on again. Be prepared to go the customer’s place one more time. Try to do something with the TV. Promise them it’s only a very minor problem. Take off the mother board again with you.
** Let them call you guys multiple times everyday. Don’t budge at all. Don’t deliver the mother board. Let them get vexed with the entire process.
** When they can no longer stand all this crap, go to their place with the mother board. Make sure the wife isnt at home.
** If you are in bad luck, she will be at home, giving you killer stares while you pretend to make their TV work. Ofcourse, you cant fix anything. So call your boss, let him talk them into giving their TV again. When the husband of the house loses it, the wife would snatch the phone from him – screams until the roof flies off at your boss. He should be ready to listen to all her shouting/screaming including some swear words.
** Make sure you have the no refund option – otherwise the customers can benefit from it.
** The key is to not repair the TV at all, but get the money, provide a crappy service, get a lot of scolding.
** You might as well be ready to face some consumer court cases on this. But don’t show you are scared.
** More than anything, you should be buffalo skinned to listen to all the words the customer (in this case – the wife) has to say. There, your guide to the most useless service center is done!
No prizes for guessing who the husband and wife are. I am really really really mad at them, but I am not sure how to get back at them. I can write reviews about them on all the sites, apart from it? We have spent 4600 already and the TV is still not working. The so-called-boss has negotiated that if he cant fix it by this weekend, he will refund the money. My worry is, what if the TV works only for a couple of hours and then break down again? Sigh Sigh Sigh.
More than the money and the TV, it’s the mental pressure of getting the work done by them.