I realized that I have been putting up only the weekend updates here, of late. I am so caught up with so many other things in my life right now that, I am not even able to make a mental picture of what I am going through. Life is going at a very fast pace and there is not even a moment left for me to turn back and see whats happening with me. This post is going to make not so much sense and is going to be a mish-mash sort of, for my thoughts are too clouded at this moment.
Work is at its craziest best, something that I would not wish for, that too immediately after a break. For the past three days, I had no time for lunch or breakfast and I had to stuff some pieces of rotis into my mouth in exactly 4 mins – the spare time available between me running for different meetings. Needless to say, I am feeling really stressed out.
For all my years of working in this organization, I had been on remote management – with my team and manager being in Malaysia. Being the only person here.. I have come to lose the feeling of having a team. Its more like a one man army. I missed team lunches, team dinners, team outings, team celebrations and team meetings too. A meeting would mean that I should sit in front of my laptop with headphones and listen to the other side talking endlessly and speak when given a chance. I feel all of this sunk into me so much so that made me accept the new offer in the new team – something I updated almost two months ago and right now, I am only glad I accepted the new offer.
I am transitioning out from my old team and will be joining my new team after two weeks. Being one of the key members of this team, I own quite a lot including some of the tough and critical applications. I was almost unaware of it, until I started my knowledge transition sessions this week. People on the other end are having real touch time understanding the business.. which means, I am spending more time teaching them basics.
It should be that either I am too fast or they are too slow as I find myself explaining the same thing over three times. Each time I ask them if I am fast, they answer me in negative but still I get to repeat everything. I am physically too tired and lack of enough time to do all this, is tiring me out mentally too.
I was on the KT sessions all of yesterday that by the time I started back home, my jaws were paining and I was left with a dry throat. I could do no talking for the rest of the evening and I spent all the time staring at the TV. I had to leave my mind totally blank for it to regain some energy.
My manager obviously didn’t take my plan of moving out quite well. She was disappointed, angry and even felt betrayed that I was leaving the team. I should say, she behaved most immature (for she has taken up the manager role for the first time). She gave me a difficult time, made me feel guilty for my decision. I too felt bad for a couple of days until another senior member showed me the situation in a different light. I was unaware of all the dirty politics in my team until I made my decision. I am nothing but happy now and I am not letting her emotional blackmail get on to me. I never ever imagined things of this sort can happen in my team or in my organisation.
Thankfully, everything is sorted out now and I am even moving to a different cubicle to sit closer to my new team. Change is bothering me even now, but I am taking it in a positive way. I am hoping its for the good.
I learnt that being selfish is good in a way. For all these 4.5 years in this team, I have only given my best and transformed the team to be an efficient one. And now, to hear stories that happened at my back – I definitely feel its perfectly okay to be selfish and decide for myself rather than always think in the interest of the team. The new role gives me a lot of growth opportunity and I am not guilty I took it up.
My new manager is also a lady and she happens to be sweet. She was cool enough to invite me for a team lunch, even before I joined her. The new team is good and the first experience was memorable. Out of the 12 people, 5 of them are Telugu and 2 of them are Tamil 🙂 Not only, I am going to have a local team but it feels good to have someone speaking same language as you are. They cracked me with some of their antics during the first meet before they knew I could understand what they speak 😀 Every person in the team is highly experienced and is a senior to me, but they made me feel really comfortable. I would have to work with no one, which puts me at ease 🙂
I was complimented that I look like I am straight out of college and nothing like a 4yr experienced. I was smiling thinking of this sentence the entire day. By the way, it came from a senior guy in the new team 🙂
My responsibilities are building up and when I am in the new team, I would be the only one supporting for the whole of my site. The role makes me feel good and content, but its going to keep me very busy too. I can see that a lot of people are already approaching me for different things and I should soon learn to say no, if not I will be in big trouble.
My new role involves mainly of coaching, mentoring, giving guidance and helping out people resolve their design and development issues. I should also handle a formal class right after Deepavali. Its exciting as well as scary at the same time. I love teaching, but to teach to 10 + senior people in a formal class and get them to do the exercises and all – I have a huge task infront of me.
Everything in regards to work front is going to change after two weeks and I am having my fingers crossed – I put in a lot of thought before making my decision and I cant see it go wrong!