My last post covered all the blissful moments I had during the six day break. No one’s life is full of up’s only. When there are some happy moments, there sure are some not-so-good moments, right?
This time, we had S’s grandparents visiting us in Chennai after nearly 10months. On the first day, I had made some plans and thus S decided to stay at home watching TV. With me being not present around, his Aachi (grandma) took advantage of the situation and started preaching him how we should plan for a baby soon. As such, he pays very less attention while watching TV. With this being baby matters and all that, only 50% of what she spoke went inside his head. He duly told me of this, before we rested for the day. The next day, I was alone at home with the elders and I had the privilege of hearing to their lecture. At one end, Aachi was telling me the benefits of having a kid early and at the other end, my MIL was telling how she is facing difficulty answering those ppl asking about that “good news”. I tried not to pay attention, but they will not leave me easily. I either kept smiling or nodding my head, for whatever they spoke until my MIL asked me “the question“. Wondering what it is? Its about me being the working woman. Its the feeling of the elders that working women postpone pregnancy because its too difficult manage work, home and then the additional responsibility of the kid. I really cant stand this thought. They simply assume this would be the reason, no matter how many times I try to explain them. The next thing that irritates me is the suggestion they come up with, for their assumed problem. “Give away the baby to me, the minute you give birth. You dont have to worry a bit, I will take care” Its like slapping me hard. I was shocked beyond words. First, they assumed me being working is the only reason we are not having babies now (which clearly is not!) and to come up with such a suggestion – I wanted to scream!!
Why should I suffer all the pain if I am to give away my baby? Am I setting up such an image by doing what I love to do – that is to work and earn my money? Is it not enough, they raised their own children now that they want to raise their grandchild too? What made them think I would give away my child? Are they so desperate to have a grandchild or they cant wait until we are ready? There was a lump in my throat suddenly. The thought and the proposed solution brought me tears. I said nothing for a minute, even when everyone was staring at me. I just said, Let God decide whats good for me and let it happen when its supposed to. They didn’t have a statement in defense. Thats when they made the next comment, which irked me even more. They said by the time, we plan for our baby – the child will assume S to be his/her grandfather and will call him “thatha” (Grandpa). It just shows their frustration over the fact that we have turned stone eared to their wish. The entire day, my mind kept going back to this incident and even today, its hard for me to accept/understand. Things are not very different at my parents too. Guess what my dad said, when I shoed him the white hairs I developed over a couple of months – By the time you will have a kid, you will be called as “Maamma” (grandma) only. Huh! Coincidence eh?!?! 😦 They wish to have their grandchild soon as well, but they convey it subtly. At least I can shout or scold my parents even if they dont understand the circumstances. The same is not true with my in-laws. My attempts to explain them always fail and with every trip to Chennai I have to prepare myself to answer all sorts of questions.
Every topic discussed has to somehow end with children/having babies/something to do with babies. I am seriously sick of all this talk. I cant blame S, as he is bearing the brunt of it too, but in a different way. We still need to devise a way of tackling this problem until we put a full stop to it, by giving in to their wishes. These people are the ones who love me, I know. They care for me, I know. But I really cant stand if they make decisions for me, that too when its too personal. Aachi is neary 80yrs old. MIL knows pretty well that, I wont say a word against her. But does it give them right to decide my future? One of their other suggestions was to plan a baby now and then wait even 10yrs before next. Omg! suddenly I felt like I am living someone else’s life. There were 1001 other suggestions and advises too.
Is marriage only about making babies? Is there is not something called as love and affection? Should we (I and S) not decide what is better for us? Just because I am married now, they want a baby. What if I stayed single at this age? Will they expect the same from me, as I am growing older every year? This is plain ridiculous. I can only keep my cool for sometime. The next time, I am going to be harsh. Even if its hurting for others.
PS – Sorry for the rant. No matter how many times I write such similar posts in my blog, I guess this keeps coming back until there is a permanent solution! Sigh.