Have you ever felt uninvited over something? Some of the times I feel so. I am not a big fan of socializing. I cant even make friends easily. I cant do even a small talk sometimes. If you see me the first time, you may label me as the “silent” types. That doesn’t mean that I am really silent. I need to get comfortable and need to know that my company is comforting for the opposite party too. I keep looking for clues every time I engage in conversation with anyone. If I feel uninvited, I start to feel awkward and my mouth just zips itself. There have been multiple instances where I have felt uncomfortable because I dont have anything to speak after the initial hi, how are you, how are things etc and to make things worst the opposite party also keeps mum making the entire situation go awkward. There had been many such incidents in the past 5 months and registering only a few here.

Incident – 1:

A girl in my office (lets call her G) has no friends. I mean, NO friends at all. Everyone turn their faces if they see her approaching them from a KM apart. Mostly due to her rude attitude and vetti scene* ( showing off). She has to have her opinion said in every single thing. I mean, thats not an issue for me but the way she expresses it makes everyone go Grrrr. She would want to join our lunch table somehow (as mentioned she has no friends) and if she is into come with us for lunch.. we have only one thing to do – that is to hear her! endless hearing of her bragging tales, her cursing the organisation or the food. By pure luck, if I get to say a sentence she will ask me a 1001 questions. She wants to poke her nose onto anything and everything. She irritated me not once or twice but 5 times mentioning how I have changed after wedding..Grrrr.. I mean, she doesnt do it politely. Imagine me getting food in a counter in the cafe. She comes shouting from the entrance of the cafe (which is very big by the way, making some 20 faces look at me) – “xxxxxx…. what is thisssssssssssssssssssssss?!!!!!!! How can you be like thissssssssssssssssssssssss????!!!!!!!!!!!! What happened to your dressing sense????????????!!!!!!!!! Why did you cut your hairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the questions never stop. Since no one invites her anywhere, she invites herself to each and every place. She has managed to come for 3 treats that were meant only for my lunch gang and again her talking business would start. She would pester everyone with questions on their personal life, make rude comments and laugh. We started avoiding her (I know that sounds mean but we didnt have an option). These days she is finding our status in our office IM application and then getting herself to our lunch tables 😦 And she targets me only out of all 5 ppl present. Asks me 1001 questions and then suggests me 2001 things. Its as if all of them are having their food peacefully, I cant because she wouldn’t let my spoon reach my mouth and I keep answering only her 😦 The most irritating thing is that she keeps a hell lot of food in her mouth and keeps talking with her face only 10 inches away from me. I get a nice food shower most of the times and I feel very Yuckkky!! 😦 She knows that she is uninvited over our lunch table but pretends to not notice it.. I end up feeling sorry for her inspite of her rudeness… and she continues to bug me… Poor state of me!! 😦

Incident – 2:

It was one of those horrendous Mondays I had just reached Bangalore from the weekend Chennai travel and the house looks tornado hit and there is no single thing to eat or cook. One of my college mates said she would want to come home for giving her wedding invitation. I assure her that no formalities are required, and that I would be present for her wedding anyways. She doesn’t let go. I asked her when was she planning to visit me. She said the next day. I was relieved. I thank her that she is not visiting on that day as I was feeling sick. She listens. I had no energy for anything and with no sleep for the past 24 hours, my eyes gloomy and tired. I had just come home from a very busy day at work too. I get a call from her asking me if she could come on that day itself. Now, how am I supposed to react? I say an YES, of course. What are the other choices if I dont intend to hurt her? First of all, I am not even expecting her to give me invitation personally (I dont mind just a message), next I tell her I am sick and furthermore she knows I had just reached Bangalore that day. I can understand that she is too excited and wants to hand me the invitation personally and that would mean a task complete for her. But with the physical state of my body and home, I wouldn’t want to invite her. It was around 8 at night, there was no info of her. I called her. She said she would come in 30 mins. I waited patiently. It was soon 9, yet no sight of her. I called her again and she says she is stuck up in some other house and she would reach in 45 mins. After a long wait, she called me back asking for directions and came in at 10.10 when I was already in half sleep state. I felt guilty for not being able to offer her dinner, quickly gave some murukkus that I had prepared before going Chennai and some juice. After some initial 10 mins, the conversation stopped from being one/two words. I started feeling awkward. She had also dragged her fiance also with her (hers was an pakka arranged marriage) and that only made the situation worse 😦 after some 30-40 mins of almost pin drop silence, they left. I felt so horrible for being able to entertain them, give them good food or nice feeling. I still do.

Incident – 3:

I cant be very specific here but its along the lines that the friend (call T) meets us for at least an hour or 2 regularly all the while not speaking even a single word after the initial Hi’s. Its either the talks are intended only towards me completely neglecting S or silent tv watching. Its as if I and S are alone except for this virtual person. Now both S and T are comfortable this and I am the only one cribbing! I start to feel awkward but cant do anything about it. Remember? I cant even do that small talk sometimes.. 😦

These kind of incidents are many but I can only recall these things now.There are instances where ppl have found me uninvited too.. But some other time! One of the twisted facts is that all my BFFs and my family find me “talkative” and sometimes too much. As I said if I am really comfortable with the people around me, I am a talkative person 🙂


11 thoughts on “Uninvited…..

  1. indeed Grrr moments….as i was reading this i even recalled few incidents happened with me on similar lines…would do a post about it to get it out of my system….

    • Yeah… 😦
      Oh.. it sure helped me after writing it down.. would like to read your incidents too…

  2. I am not getting your posts notifications GB 😦 😦

    I was visiting you for some thing else and I see you have 2 new posts which did not show up in my email nor my WP reader…..bad…sigh…

    I think you should let the girl know that she is making you uncomfortable in front of all people. How will she know otherwise, that her actions are causing discomfort to you…

    • Oh Visha 😦 I don’t know whats happening… Weird WP 😦

      Yeah, I have given her multiple signals till now. I have even blocked her on my office IM. Showing her subtly that I am ignoring her during our lunch discussions. But she keeps talking and coming back to us. I dont think I can give her rude replies.. feeling so bad doing it 😦 Actually, all the people she “know” in office do the same to her. She doesnt seem to care! Since we all speak tamil, she keeps coming to us inspite of all the insult my friends do to her…

  3. You know with time I have become totally practical and have learnt the art of saying no without sounding rude not that I always manage to do that but still I am trying.
    In case # 1 you shoudl totally tell the girl to mend her ways. Why are you bearing her? No that you are afraid of losing a good fren so tell her to stop harassing you.
    Case # 2 In case any such thing happens again I think you shud politely request the other person to come another day. I feel that sometimes we give too much thought to ‘how will the other person feel if I say no’ jabki in reality it doesn’t hurth the other person much.

    And chill! these things happen, specially to good people who cannot say no 🙂

    • I hope I will change too with time, Smita 🙂
      In case #1, I have given her clues which she pretends to ignore. Well, I have reached my saturation point too and next time I am going to be very indifferent towards her. I have already blocked her in my office chat app. Next time I am not even going to answer her. Not that I am afraid of losing a good friend, but I am unable to bring myself to tell her that open enough directly 😦
      In case #2, not many ppl are of this kind right? I should slowly learn to say a NO, I mean politely.

      Your last line made up my day 🙂 Thanks!! 😀

  4. oh shucks…food shower sounds yuccky 😦 go slap her once and ask her if her teachers didn’t teach her manners ! hmmmpf

    incident #2; poor fiance of hers 😦 and of course you…hehe people sometimes overdo it when they are over joyous..at the expense of others’ comfort!

    Indicent #3- umm well… 😀

    I’m a hardcore talkative too but then in initial few meetings I might appear to be silent..may be that’s the time I require to get comfortable with the person..generally it depends upon how open the other person is…

    oh and like Smits said above..such things do happen 🙂

    • Scribby… thats how I feel everytime she comes near me now.. I think its been a month I wrote this post… the encounters with her are still continuing… today also she managed to shout at my friend me.. for her new hair cut… and she does such irritating things… even if we keep moving without answering.. she keeps following us with her questions 😦 the highlight today is.. she caught my friend in the washroom… even after my friend had closed toilet door on her face.. she kept shouting (read asking questions) to my friend 😦 😦 She really doesnt catch clues!

      On Incident 2 – rightly said.. she was happy beyond bounds then and that reflected in her actions.. poor girl is staying close to my house now.. but is being tortured by her in-laws now.. 😦 a different story to be told 😦

      Incident 3 – I am more like you… i need some time to know the person.. if i get comfortable and feel welcomed.. i am talkative too 🙂 🙂

  5. Pingback: Tidbits « From the Editions of Green Boochi

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