Have you ever felt uninvited over something? Some of the times I feel so. I am not a big fan of socializing. I cant even make friends easily. I cant do even a small talk sometimes. If you see me the first time, you may label me as the “silent” types. That doesn’t mean that I am really silent. I need to get comfortable and need to know that my company is comforting for the opposite party too. I keep looking for clues every time I engage in conversation with anyone. If I feel uninvited, I start to feel awkward and my mouth just zips itself. There have been multiple instances where I have felt uncomfortable because I dont have anything to speak after the initial hi, how are you, how are things etc and to make things worst the opposite party also keeps mum making the entire situation go awkward. There had been many such incidents in the past 5 months and registering only a few here.
Incident – 1:
A girl in my office (lets call her G) has no friends. I mean, NO friends at all. Everyone turn their faces if they see her approaching them from a KM apart. Mostly due to her rude attitude and vetti scene* ( showing off). She has to have her opinion said in every single thing. I mean, thats not an issue for me but the way she expresses it makes everyone go Grrrr. She would want to join our lunch table somehow (as mentioned she has no friends) and if she is into come with us for lunch.. we have only one thing to do – that is to hear her! endless hearing of her bragging tales, her cursing the organisation or the food. By pure luck, if I get to say a sentence she will ask me a 1001 questions. She wants to poke her nose onto anything and everything. She irritated me not once or twice but 5 times mentioning how I have changed after wedding..Grrrr.. I mean, she doesnt do it politely. Imagine me getting food in a counter in the cafe. She comes shouting from the entrance of the cafe (which is very big by the way, making some 20 faces look at me) – “xxxxxx…. what is thisssssssssssssssssssssss?!!!!!!! How can you be like thissssssssssssssssssssssss????!!!!!!!!!!!! What happened to your dressing sense????????????!!!!!!!!! Why did you cut your hairrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr?!!!!!!!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” the questions never stop. Since no one invites her anywhere, she invites herself to each and every place. She has managed to come for 3 treats that were meant only for my lunch gang and again her talking business would start. She would pester everyone with questions on their personal life, make rude comments and laugh. We started avoiding her (I know that sounds mean but we didnt have an option). These days she is finding our status in our office IM application and then getting herself to our lunch tables 😦 And she targets me only out of all 5 ppl present. Asks me 1001 questions and then suggests me 2001 things. Its as if all of them are having their food peacefully, I cant because she wouldn’t let my spoon reach my mouth and I keep answering only her 😦 The most irritating thing is that she keeps a hell lot of food in her mouth and keeps talking with her face only 10 inches away from me. I get a nice food shower most of the times and I feel very Yuckkky!! 😦 She knows that she is uninvited over our lunch table but pretends to not notice it.. I end up feeling sorry for her inspite of her rudeness… and she continues to bug me… Poor state of me!! 😦
Incident – 2:
It was one of those horrendous Mondays I had just reached Bangalore from the weekend Chennai travel and the house looks tornado hit and there is no single thing to eat or cook. One of my college mates said she would want to come home for giving her wedding invitation. I assure her that no formalities are required, and that I would be present for her wedding anyways. She doesn’t let go. I asked her when was she planning to visit me. She said the next day. I was relieved. I thank her that she is not visiting on that day as I was feeling sick. She listens. I had no energy for anything and with no sleep for the past 24 hours, my eyes gloomy and tired. I had just come home from a very busy day at work too. I get a call from her asking me if she could come on that day itself. Now, how am I supposed to react? I say an YES, of course. What are the other choices if I dont intend to hurt her? First of all, I am not even expecting her to give me invitation personally (I dont mind just a message), next I tell her I am sick and furthermore she knows I had just reached Bangalore that day. I can understand that she is too excited and wants to hand me the invitation personally and that would mean a task complete for her. But with the physical state of my body and home, I wouldn’t want to invite her. It was around 8 at night, there was no info of her. I called her. She said she would come in 30 mins. I waited patiently. It was soon 9, yet no sight of her. I called her again and she says she is stuck up in some other house and she would reach in 45 mins. After a long wait, she called me back asking for directions and came in at 10.10 when I was already in half sleep state. I felt guilty for not being able to offer her dinner, quickly gave some murukkus that I had prepared before going Chennai and some juice. After some initial 10 mins, the conversation stopped from being one/two words. I started feeling awkward. She had also dragged her fiance also with her (hers was an pakka arranged marriage) and that only made the situation worse 😦 after some 30-40 mins of almost pin drop silence, they left. I felt so horrible for being able to entertain them, give them good food or nice feeling. I still do.
Incident – 3:
I cant be very specific here but its along the lines that the friend (call T) meets us for at least an hour or 2 regularly all the while not speaking even a single word after the initial Hi’s. Its either the talks are intended only towards me completely neglecting S or silent tv watching. Its as if I and S are alone except for this virtual person. Now both S and T are comfortable this and I am the only one cribbing! I start to feel awkward but cant do anything about it. Remember? I cant even do that small talk sometimes.. 😦
These kind of incidents are many but I can only recall these things now.There are instances where ppl have found me uninvited too.. But some other time! One of the twisted facts is that all my BFFs and my family find me “talkative” and sometimes too much. As I said if I am really comfortable with the people around me, I am a talkative person 🙂