or I should write it as my mom AND mother-in-law. Both these ladies of my life are almost alike.. very sweet, very very cute that I would want to hug them so tightly, innocent types. All they wish for is the goodness of their kids. They dont get angry at all, even for a minute. They bear all the tensions so that the rest of the family can relax. Both of them are so nice that they expect the rest of the world would be similar too. I feel so so close to my mom and she would be first person I would go for anything. But with my mother-in-law, she is one person who feels like pouring her heart out to me- just like my mom too. There are multiple instances where she has felt comfortable sharing things with me rather than with her own children. However, there are certain things that would make me behave differently to certain actions of my mom and mil. While I can just scold or ignore or stare at my mom, I cant repeat the same with my mil (I am yet to get that close and I am not sure if I will ever be able to do). I call my MIL as AMMA too for all the love, care and affection she shows on me and the other reason being I hate calling her ATHAI. There are definitely differences in the way my mom would behave vs my mil for same actions of mine.
– With mom, an extra spoon of rice or curry would lead to cold stares from me. She knows how much I eat and how much I can eat. She has never forced food down my throat (or there was no need to do it with me). My mil just expects me to eat lorry loads of food(!) I am not exaggerating at all. She feels I might be shy for an extra helping (which I am not) and serves a huge amount in the first go itself. Forget the cold stares, pleading/begging her also wouldn’t help. She just feels happy seeing us eat more.. 😐
– MIL believes in certain principles when it comes to marriage and daughter-in-law. While I can brush off the topic with my mom, its not the same with MIL. She would want me to look like a new doll, at any time of the day- With a fresh face, nice braided hair with lots of malli poo (jasmine flowers) and if possible wearing a saree. If not saree.. atleast a nice dress. But that would not be my idea of a weekend.. 😦 Well, I know S so well that I no longer care of the bad hair or dressed in old ordinary clothing (like a nightie). She is also unhappy that I use small black bindi instead of a big red bindi on my foreground. Again, both mom and mil were unhappy that I had cut my hair short (very short in their terms) But my mom got over it as soon as she knew that I loved it. MIL – She is still coming to terms with it.
– According to my MIL, flowers are a must for married women. There is no end to the arguments S and she would have in this regard. I am actually allergic to flowers and the scents out of it that I get asthmatic immediately. But she would want me to have them.. just because all married women are supposed to be.. according to the traditions. Mom would understand for sure but with MIL I should adjust otherwise end up hurting her.
– When it comes to my cooking, my mom and mil both love it. But MIL cant accept the way I use so little oil and she ends up instructing me thousand times to pour additional oil and finally she herself pours some more additional oil. I am very very health conscious when it comes to cooking because there are some innocent souls out there that are impacted by one person’s cooking. For her – more tasty= more oil, which I oppose but cant fight/argue with her. Its her kitchen, her way. But I would surely oppose if she wants me to do the same in my kitchen.
– Temple visits mean that I should dress up in grand silk saree with at least a few gold ornaments (bangles are a must). Sometimes I fail to understand the logic. As far as my dress is decent and fully covering my body, why should I wear only a saree to the temple? Is it because its the traditional attire? Does God look at my dress and then only give me blessings? I have no idea… But its only the saree that I should be wearing. There were a couple of incidents were I turned up in a salwar. So next time she made sure she instructs me even before I go for shower. 🙂
– My mom scolds me for the things she thinks I might have gone wrong. Its not the same with MIL. She has never ever told a harsh word to me. Both of these approaches are from their love for me.
– While I can behave as I like with S infront my mom, I have maintain respect for him infront of his mom. Once she caught me calling him by name and asked me not to call so 😦 My heart broke that moment. Even after S trying to explain her, she wasn’t quite ok with it. That was one of the hard things to me. S was my classmate, my friend. Just becase he is 4 months elder to me, I cant call him as “vanga, ponnga etc” and I cant call him “ennannngeeee” everytime I want to call him by name 😦 These days, when I am around his family, I just try not talking to S at all. In Bangalore.. I just can be the way I wish 🙂
– I have to be the grown up kinds in front my MIL. She sees me as mature enough, responsible girl that her son has chosen. With my mom, I am of course her 2 year old baby 🙂
I just dont wish to record that I am forcing myself to certain things that my MIL wants me to do. I am just doing an introspect of how I behave differently with my mom and my MIL. I am unsure if certain expectations are ever going to change for the DIL-MIL duo in our country. Atleast, I am happy that we are not like the yesteryear MIL DIL duo who didn’t even have proper rapport. I just want to end the post with a funny incident that happened with my MIL during my two weeks stay in Chennai (at my home)-
On a particular day, the sky was getting dark all of a sudden inspite of the fact that the Sun was burning us at more than 40°C. Immediately, there were thunderstorms, that too in the afternoon. The power was cut off soon. I was just enjoying the cool-hot breeze outside from the sudden wind blow much to the anger of my mom. It started to rain heavily soon after and I get a call from my MIL (whose house is only 5Kms apart from my parents). I answer it and this is how our conversation goes –
GB – hello…
GB’s MIL – Haloooooooooooooooooooooo
Epdi irukeenge Ma? (How are you ma?)
(with lots of amusement and giggling) Ice Katti mazhai varuthu maaaaaaa (Its pouring ice cubes :D)
Oh apdiya? (oh is it?)
maaaaaa…. (calling out my name so loudly) Ice kaati ma.. ice katti… ( ice cubes ma.. ice cubes) – with even more giggling
I am like confused totally and tell her that its only the normal rain at my place. But she again –
Veliya vanthu paaru ma… Ice kaati ah iruku ( Come out and see me, its all ice cubes over the place)
Naa veliya than Ma nikkren… inge onnum illa (I am standing outside only and I see nothing)
She obviously couldnt hear me properly from all the shouting/laughing and giggling that she kept repeating the same –
Veliya va maa… neeye paaru… super ah iruku (come out ma,.. You see it for yourself.. its so super)
yeah.. hello.. hello… iruken ma (I am still listening, tell me)
haloooo…. ice katti ma.. haloooo.. haloo….
so, you guys get the drift right? Eventaully there was hailstorm in her place and she wanted to tell me so that I could also go enjoy it. She was more like a kid who would want to show her new pencil box to her friends immediately. She seemed very cute 😀