Aren’t Appearances Deceptive?

When the news of my wedding was announced, a few unexpected people commented rude. Most of them my relatives. I can say, it was due to the stomach burning that they had with my dad was dancing to my tunes and that mom was supporting me. Everything seemed too perfect for them to interfere. They needed to find fault with something to register their unhappiness over me marrying out of caste. S’s appearance came to their immediate rescue. With the first sight of his photo, my aunts commented that the groom was good but not great as he had less hair and wanted to know how I could choose HIM of all. I kept my cool. They didn’t stop there. When he came over to my home to see me just “4 days before the wedding”, they commented directly on his face – that the groom is half BALD. Though it was hard for me to keep myself silent, I remained so. With every chance they got, they kept iterating the same point. When they got no attention from me, they would call me specifically to tell how I should have reconsidered the decision of marrying him.. and how he could have had a little more hair on his head. There was a saturation point and I had reached it. I shouted back at all of them to keep them shut. They wouldnt stop still – they went on say how I had changed my colors and started to support “the groom” even before the marriage. Hmpf!

Some commented on how I was so shorter than him that we would make an awful pair. One thought S was not that photogenic but looks good when seen in person. One of my aunts felt she didn’t like the way he was maintaining his beard/mush. Of all, the main point of discussion was his declining hair line. Some of my very close relatives who otherwise felt happy for my wedding praised me for my bold decision (as they thought) – that I was getting ready to marry S, knowing that he is going bald (they said no well educated well earning girl would ever do it, I ask WHY?). Some people made fun of me saying – your dad is bald and now your husband is also similar to him. I liked to say, yeah! Both of them are alike when they show me their love too…Will that be enough to shut their mouths – NO?!?! There were other endless comments on the similar lines. Initially I found myself replying back to each of those stupid ppl. But I soon learnt, I dont have to justify my decision to anyone except me. I knew S beyond his declining hair line. And I have known the S who had that thick black bush of hair too. I have actually seen him go through the hair loss phase infront of my eyes.. in a course of 2 years. I found no difference between the two except for the appearance. I had fallen in love with him not for his hair or eyes or nose or any of his features. It was his traits that impressed me – showing immense care, pouring unconditional love, being ambitious, being responsible, being tied up family values had me go behind him. Not his appearance.

After a few months of wedding, I gained some weight. Again there were numerous uninvited comments. They felt bad that we would no longer look good as pair – like S is tall and I would be round, short for him. Most of those comments would be rude and straight on my face. At one point, every person I met (irrespective of I knowing them or not) would have to comment on my increasing waist line. There would be free advises on weight loss to dieting to right time to start reducing the weight to everything one could imagine. Commenting on one’s physical appearance like a phase, when its over – the next one would start. I would get tips on dressing up as the married woman and on showing the signs to the world. When my turn is over, S would bear it again. I wonder if people will ever stop commenting on the physical appearance of a person.

I have only one thing to say to all those who have commented on our physical appearances so far – there are many many problems in this world (or atleast in your families) to worry apart from our growing waistlines and declining hair lines. So, get yourself a life!

Love rules my life and not appearances… 🙂

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15 thoughts on “Aren’t Appearances Deceptive?

  1. these kinds of nasty relatives are found in every household… they can’t get up so they pull people down……. loved the last line ‘Love rules my life and not appearances… :)’

    • very rightly said Jas.. they pull down cos they cant get up! I am learning to give a deaf ear to these kinds of people.. sometimes its so tough to deal with them..

      Thanks Jas 🙂

  2. been there…seen that…

    When my sis-in-law saw me for the first time, she felt I was a tad dark-skinned. After a single meeting with few days later, she was gushing to Zack how he has made the perfect choice.

    The receding hairline part gives me a thought – What if the guy starts losing hair after an year of marriage? Should the girl leave him then?

    Just keep a straight face when you get any negative comment…they will get tired of commenting and not getting any response…works with me every single time 😛

    Love rules everything 🙂

    • I think people try to find fault with one thing or the other when it comes to the appearances of other people, right? When the search is for external beauty, it never ends… I am glad your sis-in-law found that soon enough.. unlike my relatives 🙂

      Exactly… we are not signing an agreement here… based on the appearances.. during the marriage… Even now few of my relatives make noise, trying to pass on a negative comment. I have learnt the art of ignoring them.. Its my life and I am living it.

      You’re right Visha.. love rules everything 🙂

  3. Came via Nibetida’s blog.
    A very nice post. And hats off to you for standing by your actions.

    I can understand that part about putting on weight.
    I was told throughout my life that, and now after ten years, I see people who ridiculed me are int he same boat. Made me feel good ( cheap).:-)

  4. GB 🙂

    Hugs!
    You have already found the soultion to it all and summed it up beautifully in the last line.
    If people thought so deeply (bold) about receding hairlines and growing waistlines they must indeed be so shallow (bold) – right?

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