Stressed Stressed Stressed…..

Time seems to fly for me. The workload at office has increased heaps and bounds. Off lately, I had been stressed out so much that, I had developed stomach related problems. How will the feeling be, when you feel butterflies in your stomach all through out the day… that was exactly I was feeling for the last couple of weeks, just that there were some 10,000 butterflies fluttering vigorously. I could concentrate on nothing else. My hobbies didn’t help me. All I could think was the tasks I had to complete each day at work and they showed no interest to reduce. I had ignored this space too. What could I write when all I could think was on the issues I was having at work? There were a couple of times, I thought I would write down something here so that I would at least feel lighter – but I didn’t even have a nanosecond of free time 😦 The pressure was too much to carry this week and out of stress, I cried. Yes – I did! I was feeling so helpless with all my emotions getting converted to tears. I felt much better later, which boosted my confidence again. I can breathe a sigh of relief (half) with most of my work completed. I really didnt understand how I could have this much work piled up within a month – that too for a person like me – who wishes to complete everything ahead of time (yes, I cant wait to complete a given task). One of the main reasons is that, my team is short of resources at this point of time. Being in the lead role that I am now, everything automatically fell into my plate – to top that there were a few ppl taking vacations too 🙄 I struggled enough. Fortunately the phase has got over. I have learnt a lesson. Never accept everything that is pushed to you simply. Hopefully, I will be able to get back to this space regularly from now on… 🙂

I cant believe life has changed so much in just a month. Here is how I was chasing the time and I wished I had more than 24 hours a day.

6.30Am – I try to snooze the alarm for the 3rd or 4th time and try to get some more sleep as its less than 5 hours I had hit the bed.

7- 7.15Am – Get up and rush to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, lunch much to the anger of S.

8Am – Trying my best to wake up S while handling 2 cookers with rice and dal, 1 kadai with curry and some chutney in the kitchen.

8.30Am – Preparing dabbas, pushing S to eat something before getting ready for office while taking a meeting from home.

9.45Am – The meeting gets extended, and now I am starving with hunger. Sweating like pig (for the records, Bangalore is so so hot these days)

10Am – Swallow some quick breakfast, run to office as I would have next meeting coming up in 25 mins.

10.20Am – Reach office fully tired. As soon as my IM is up, I get to answer like 5 conversations simultaneously.

10.30Am – Meeting begins. I have to multitask – start my work, listen to the meeting and talk as required, reply the IM conversations.

11.30Am – There are now around 10 IM windows open, where I am responding to the issues that my team has.. trying to resolve the issues for them. This really takes up so much effort and time. Energy is totally gone now.

12Pm – Before I can realise, its lunch time and in 10 mins, my friends would call me for lunch. Since all my team mates are located in Malaysia and US, I have no privilege of going for an hour’s lunch. They would continue bugging me with their IMs and phone calls.

1Pm – Either quick lunch in cafe or rush through it from the desk, I would be answering at least 2 ppl on phone. I have learnt something – its really hard to make others work. I can finish so much work in the time I tell my team how to do.

1.30Pm – I realize that two meetings are set up at the same time. I try to hard to push one to a later time. Quickly take meetings for the next two hours.

3.30Pm – Totally totally exhausted of all the talking and the thought of starting my work at this hour even tires me.

4Pm – My Malaysia team decides to work for extra time  which means I am still helping my team resolve their issues. Meanwhile I am now trying to complete my work.

6Pm – Before I could realise, I get a call from S asking where I am as he had already reached home and finds it locked. He comes back to get the keys from me.

6.20Pm – I run back to the office after giving him the keys and continue working until hearing the warning announcement for the lady employees to leave office.

7.45Pm – Walking fast back home thinking really hard about the work I am yet to complete at home and the bigger problem – dinner. I come home to find S preparing something. I help him while he gets me coffee and something to eat. We fix a quick dinner.

8.45Pm – I am more than tired and my eye lids are closing automatically. There are a sink full of vessels staring at me to be cleaned. I quickly do this task though S offers/fights to do as I tend it complete it in 30 mins while he takes 1.5hrs.

9.30Pm – I would have to clean the kitchen slab, stove, floor everything. Prepare some veggies for the next day (if I feel so).

9.50Pm – Hit the sofa totally exhausted. I call my dad (he waits for my call everyday). Somehow or the other, he asks something irrelevant and I get bugged (more so bcos of my condition) end up shouting at him. He understands me and wishes me good night. But night still seems young for me as I have to do some work with my US counterpart team.

10.20Pm – I start to work. S starts to work. We both are keenly looking at out laptops. When I think I can no longer work, I insist that we sleep.

1 – 1.30Am – I hit the bed. Just hitting the bed doesnt mean I can sleep. The stress would play on me now and I get no sleep until a point I never know when I had slept.

This is how it had been for the couple of weeks especially. I strongly insist and even fight with S that I would prepare food in the morning as I am a person who cant stay hungry at all. I have to put something into my system before I am mad with hunger. When its kind of a mad rush at work, I feel a lunch box with me can help take some food. I am just noticing that, I am not even finding time to drink water or use restroom during a day – that pathetic I am right now! 😦 Needless to say how it will be when I have early morning meetings too. I am sleep deprived, relaxation deprived – always having headaches, heartburn, feeling tired and exhausted. After a point, I was only working mechanically. My hands would do something and my eyes would look at it. Nothing is captured in my mind. Sigh! I never wish this phase to come back again. I fought a lot with S. I was so short tempered, irritated at smallest things which worried him a lot. Worst part is, I could find no time to even talk to anybody including S (though we are the same house. I was afraid I would lose temper and we would get into a fight). Looking at all this, S had only one thing to offer to me – why do you strain yourself so much? Better quit your job! Nah.. that would never happen. I would want to win over the problem rather than running away from it 🙂


7 thoughts on “Stressed Stressed Stressed…..

  1. Baba re !!!! GB….ur post left me breathless!!!

    But whatever don’t leave the job…take a break if reqd… to ur peers or boss and get more helping hands….above all Take care of ur health 🙂

  2. Hey! You do sound sooo… stressed. Don’t try to do everything yourself. At least outsource some work on the home front… find a maid who can do the dishes, or even someone who can cook or at least chop the veggies and such work. That would be at least some thing less to do.
    Don’t quit your job. I think most of us who work and manage home have to go through such situations sometimes 🙂
    Take care of your health. You can give your best to your work only if you are in good health … so take care 🙂

    • Rightly said lifesong.. I understood this the hard way. Now, I have found a maid.. luckily 🙂 It has reduced so much of my household work. I am never quitting my job 🙂 thanks for those words 🙂

  3. Can you believe it, I had to take a break, drink a glass of water after reading your post before deciding to comment.

    Tight hugs sweetie…take a few deep breaths and splash some water on your face. Relllllllllllllllllllax.

    Ok first things first, the trouble is mainly cause of shortage of staff in your team, you need to bring this issue to your boss’s notice ASAP. The minute you have help at hand, you’ll be feeling much lighter.

    Till extra members join your team, find a way to let your team-mates in different countries pool up their queries.

    Like you said they keep you busy during lunch hour. Leave them with a message “you’ll be back in twenty” so they know you are eating and freshening up and will not keep calling you. Once you’ve eaten and had a short break get back to task.

    You definitely need to find domestic help for the dishes and to help you have veggies chopped up and stocked in fridge it’ll help you heaps. One weekend sit for and hour with S and chop as many veggies you can and stock them in boxes in fridge for use during week. Make a few chutnies on weekend to help as side dish with rice+dal in times of extreme fatigue and extra work.

    Stock fridge with some ready to eat foods you and S like, like jams, cheese,breads etc to eat at times of hunger while working in night. For no one no-matter how tired you are you cannot sleep if you are hungry.

    Please take good care of your health, it’s been a while since you aren’t very well.

    As far job, as soon things get better, take a few days off and go for a break to give yourself a much needed break.

    Hugs dear….take care (sorry for a long lecture!)

  4. ME….. I am short of words after reading this comment… I cant thank you enough for spending time in writing this out for me.. love you so much :):) sometimes when we are in problems.. we only tend to see the problem.. we would need someone to clear out those cobwebs and give us some solutions. you just did that.. You somehow made me feel so better… 🙂

    I have a house help now 🙂 So, I am much relieved from the household work. From the office front, things are a bit better.. My manager and others know the situation I am in. They are trying to help me. But the problem is… there are certain things that no one else can do in the team and my manager depends on me very much. I would soon start training other ppl on that.

    I have started chopping veggies during the weekends.. and as you said.. its very very helpful. I was just craving for a break desperately and the last weekend was just spent relaxing.. 🙂

    hugs right back to you… 🙂

  5. Pingback: Damage has been done.. « From the Editions of Green Boochi

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