Time seems to fly for me. The workload at office has increased heaps and bounds. Off lately, I had been stressed out so much that, I had developed stomach related problems. How will the feeling be, when you feel butterflies in your stomach all through out the day… that was exactly I was feeling for the last couple of weeks, just that there were some 10,000 butterflies fluttering vigorously. I could concentrate on nothing else. My hobbies didn’t help me. All I could think was the tasks I had to complete each day at work and they showed no interest to reduce. I had ignored this space too. What could I write when all I could think was on the issues I was having at work? There were a couple of times, I thought I would write down something here so that I would at least feel lighter – but I didn’t even have a nanosecond of free time 😦 The pressure was too much to carry this week and out of stress, I cried. Yes – I did! I was feeling so helpless with all my emotions getting converted to tears. I felt much better later, which boosted my confidence again. I can breathe a sigh of relief (half) with most of my work completed. I really didnt understand how I could have this much work piled up within a month – that too for a person like me – who wishes to complete everything ahead of time (yes, I cant wait to complete a given task). One of the main reasons is that, my team is short of resources at this point of time. Being in the lead role that I am now, everything automatically fell into my plate – to top that there were a few ppl taking vacations too 🙄 I struggled enough. Fortunately the phase has got over. I have learnt a lesson. Never accept everything that is pushed to you simply. Hopefully, I will be able to get back to this space regularly from now on… 🙂
I cant believe life has changed so much in just a month. Here is how I was chasing the time and I wished I had more than 24 hours a day.
6.30Am – I try to snooze the alarm for the 3rd or 4th time and try to get some more sleep as its less than 5 hours I had hit the bed.
7- 7.15Am – Get up and rush to the kitchen to prepare breakfast, lunch much to the anger of S.
8Am – Trying my best to wake up S while handling 2 cookers with rice and dal, 1 kadai with curry and some chutney in the kitchen.
8.30Am – Preparing dabbas, pushing S to eat something before getting ready for office while taking a meeting from home.
9.45Am – The meeting gets extended, and now I am starving with hunger. Sweating like pig (for the records, Bangalore is so so hot these days)
10Am – Swallow some quick breakfast, run to office as I would have next meeting coming up in 25 mins.
10.20Am – Reach office fully tired. As soon as my IM is up, I get to answer like 5 conversations simultaneously.
10.30Am – Meeting begins. I have to multitask – start my work, listen to the meeting and talk as required, reply the IM conversations.
11.30Am – There are now around 10 IM windows open, where I am responding to the issues that my team has.. trying to resolve the issues for them. This really takes up so much effort and time. Energy is totally gone now.
12Pm – Before I can realise, its lunch time and in 10 mins, my friends would call me for lunch. Since all my team mates are located in Malaysia and US, I have no privilege of going for an hour’s lunch. They would continue bugging me with their IMs and phone calls.
1Pm – Either quick lunch in cafe or rush through it from the desk, I would be answering at least 2 ppl on phone. I have learnt something – its really hard to make others work. I can finish so much work in the time I tell my team how to do.
1.30Pm – I realize that two meetings are set up at the same time. I try to hard to push one to a later time. Quickly take meetings for the next two hours.
3.30Pm – Totally totally exhausted of all the talking and the thought of starting my work at this hour even tires me.
4Pm – My Malaysia team decides to work for extra time which means I am still helping my team resolve their issues. Meanwhile I am now trying to complete my work.
6Pm – Before I could realise, I get a call from S asking where I am as he had already reached home and finds it locked. He comes back to get the keys from me.
6.20Pm – I run back to the office after giving him the keys and continue working until hearing the warning announcement for the lady employees to leave office.
7.45Pm – Walking fast back home thinking really hard about the work I am yet to complete at home and the bigger problem – dinner. I come home to find S preparing something. I help him while he gets me coffee and something to eat. We fix a quick dinner.
8.45Pm – I am more than tired and my eye lids are closing automatically. There are a sink full of vessels staring at me to be cleaned. I quickly do this task though S offers/fights to do as I tend it complete it in 30 mins while he takes 1.5hrs.
9.30Pm – I would have to clean the kitchen slab, stove, floor everything. Prepare some veggies for the next day (if I feel so).
9.50Pm – Hit the sofa totally exhausted. I call my dad (he waits for my call everyday). Somehow or the other, he asks something irrelevant and I get bugged (more so bcos of my condition) end up shouting at him. He understands me and wishes me good night. But night still seems young for me as I have to do some work with my US counterpart team.
10.20Pm – I start to work. S starts to work. We both are keenly looking at out laptops. When I think I can no longer work, I insist that we sleep.
1 – 1.30Am – I hit the bed. Just hitting the bed doesnt mean I can sleep. The stress would play on me now and I get no sleep until a point I never know when I had slept.
This is how it had been for the couple of weeks especially. I strongly insist and even fight with S that I would prepare food in the morning as I am a person who cant stay hungry at all. I have to put something into my system before I am mad with hunger. When its kind of a mad rush at work, I feel a lunch box with me can help take some food. I am just noticing that, I am not even finding time to drink water or use restroom during a day – that pathetic I am right now! 😦 Needless to say how it will be when I have early morning meetings too. I am sleep deprived, relaxation deprived – always having headaches, heartburn, feeling tired and exhausted. After a point, I was only working mechanically. My hands would do something and my eyes would look at it. Nothing is captured in my mind. Sigh! I never wish this phase to come back again. I fought a lot with S. I was so short tempered, irritated at smallest things which worried him a lot. Worst part is, I could find no time to even talk to anybody including S (though we are the same house. I was afraid I would lose temper and we would get into a fight). Looking at all this, S had only one thing to offer to me – why do you strain yourself so much? Better quit your job! Nah.. that would never happen. I would want to win over the problem rather than running away from it 🙂