The stress and mental strain continues to grow heaps and heaps. I feel like my head would explode very soon 😦 There is so much in my plate, lately I am unsure of what I am working on. I am just going by the flow and doing everything mechanically. At any given time, I am on meetings (mostly on phone as my team is in Malaysia), answering 3-4 IM conversations at the same of replying to emails. Mind fails to process the details. One of my team mates is on wedding vacation and he has opted me as his back up – which means that I am working 200% including his work. Sometimes I feel like pulling my hair in multiple directions and pretend to be mad so that ppl would stop coming to me for their issues – but my hair is important for me right? 🙄 Everyday and night my thoughts are filled with how am I going to finish this task or that task. Sometimes, I am amazed by my weirdness. May be I am thinking too much on the issues at work even during sleep, I keep getting dreams and some dreams are so helpful that they offer me solutions 🙂 Take this incident for example – I was working on solving a piece of complex code/logic for half a day. Feeling so stressed at the end of the day finding no solution, I went back home. I didn’t think of it until I went to sleep. I got a dream that night where I was using some techniques which had helped me solve the issue. Shocked, I got up from bed and started processing those techniques mentally until I reached office and tried them – and to my surprise, it worked!!!! I am hoping against hope (knowing that nothing is gonna change until April) that everything would be fine soon…. 😐
Given all this, I went ahead to attend the women’s day celebrations at office on Mar 6th. Thankful that I took an entire day out to take part for I enjoyed thoroughly. Though I am not a person who believes in celebrating specific days, this was like an opportunity to meet wonderful ppl and have fun. The morning was filled with sessions from Dr. Niru who is a psychiatrist and founder of Mars-Venus Organization, focusing on turning differences between men & women into better productivity and Dr. Nandhini Vaidyanathan – who is the Founder of CARMa Connect, an interesting organisation that focuses on Crenovation. We had so much fun sitting through both the sessions as these ppl made us celebrate the womanhood we carry along. Radio One’s RJ Pavithra was the host and she did an awesome job too. After the lunch, there was a chat show planned with the great actress of the olden times – Sharmila Tagore. It was a visual treat to look at her even now. She answered questions with so much confidence and she proved that she can address a crowd of 1000 technical ppl not making them feel bored. She iterated a point again and again – which stuck on to me – “being an actress doesnt mean that I have to be dumbo” – She wasn’t that! She said one more point which made so much sense to me – “We fall in love with a person for no particular reason, we love everything about them and forget all the differences. But once after the marriage, the next 20 years are spent by both of them trying to change the other person to fit to their needs. Why should this happen?” – a valid question that one.
Soon, they opened the dance floor – they had hired DJs and set up all lights to make the hall similar to discotheque. Now, I am a non-dancer.I cant even shake my hands and legs in proper sync. If there is something I would want to have in my next janam – it would be to have the dancing genes. I was sitting as a silent spectator until my friend pulled me in. Initially I was so embarrassed (for no reason) and felt so conscious. Later, I let it all go and did slow movements which turned into some steps (I was trying to copy my friend’s moves). I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I might have looked funny, so many should have laughed at me from the audience. But does it matter – I was enjoying what I was doing, that too while dancing for the first time in my life. We stayed at the dance floor for 2 hours and I cant thank my friend more for pulling me in. I now know I enjoy dancing (though it would not be a good sight!) 🙂
I made myself time yesterday to draw something – more because I wanted peace of mind. I am at my parent’s place, working from Chennai until end of this week which means I can be carefree. I dont have to think abt the 100 things which I need to complete before going to bed – no responsibilities. I am loving it where I am their “papa” once again, free of all the other thoughts.
This is the pencil sketch I did yesterday night (much to the irritation of amma) – with the only HB pencil available at home as I had not carried my sketching pencils with me..
Happy Women’s day to all the wonderful women I know 🙂