Buying off the Groom….

Dad’s close friend – whom I call Uncle A has finally settled his daughter Su’s wedding. Now Su is three years elder than me and her family was trying hard to fix her wedding for the past 1.5 years. Su is a post graduate and is working in an MNC. From the beginning, marraige was not her priority. She infact fought a lot for doing Pg while her dad wanted to marry her off. Uncle A was totally against “a girl doing Pg and going for a job“. He says – ” It becomes so tough to find a boy from my caste who is as educated as Su and earns more than her“. He doesnt stop there. He says a well educated girl will be difficult to handle and turn stubborn. If all this is not enough, he adds furthermore. I will be the one spending lakhs on her education now, but in future she will be beneficial only to her in-laws. I am not the one who is going to reap the benefits. I should spend so much on her wedding too.  Su argued, fought, cried and finally found her way to continue her studies. Anyways coming back to the wedding story, Uncle A couldnt accept the thought that I was getting married much earlier while he couldnt find a suitable match for his daughter. That aggravated the search process. He had certain conditions –

  • The boy should be from the same caste, sub caste, sub division and like wise. 
  • Should be earning more than her
  • Should be equal/more in education compared to Su.
  • Should be based out in his native (Vizag) but working somewhere else
  • Should be a professional
  • Horoscopes should match perfectly
  • Should be speaking mother tongue (telugu) fluently
  • Should have good looks.
These are some of the conditions of any parents trying to fix an arranged wedding for their girl. But struggling in the sea of horroscopes of an year and half, that too trying to find a match from the same caste, travelling from Chennai to Vizag (20+hrs travel in train) every other week, paying lump-sum amounts to the wedding brokers for every unsuccessful match – He should have woke up!! After a very tiring process of all this, he has atlast- finally-somehow fixed a match.  I am happy for her. Or Wait.. Am I really happy? I dont think so.. I feel sorry for her and hope everything goes smooth and happy for a girl who is so good. Why Sorry one may ask.. Here are the reasons –

  • Wedding Dowry – 10lakhs (they are still bargaining), 1 lakh to be given to SIL-to-be. Totally 11lakhs.
  • Wedding Jewels for the girl – 15 sovereigns
  • Wedding Jewels for the boy – 3 sovereigns on gold bracelet, another 3 on chain and a ring for engagement     and another ring for the wedding.
  • Money exchange for the wedding clothes – Girl to be given 30K from groom’s side and Boy to get 15K from Girl’s side. (logic behind – GIRL = 2 * BOY)
  • Just like that – A silver plate, glass, cup and what not!
  • Wedding Arrangements – to be taken care by Girl’s family – Engagement in a big hotel. Wedding in a big     hall (both in Vizag) followed by a grand reception in Chennai.
  • Others – Sets and sets of clothes to be given away to the groom and his relatives.
  • Apart from all this – A Big Bag of full of rice and like wise. Uncle should also give 2.5% of the dowry amt   (which is 25K) to the wedding broker and set of clothes to his family too.
What I really dont understand is Are they buying off the groom or getting their daughter married??!!? Uncle A has actually a long list that’s been given by the boy’s family which has all the above details and much more. All this happens with a family that is well educated and the guy is a professional. Doesnt he have a mind of his own to atleast tell his parents not to be so cheap? What does the girl get after all this money exchange – Happiness?? No.. If she is to be anything like me – she will end up having all guilt of making her dad debt prone which eventually will turn up into hatred towards her husband. She is a professional too and earns as much as him. Will these ppl accept if she wants to give away her salary to her dad after marriage? I dont believe so.. I cant think any further, keeping me so disturbed. Uncle A will have to spend around 35-45lakhs on this whole thing called marriage.. and he has no choice!

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