This day is special indeed – not cos my parents are celebrating the anniversary, but because they have made this happen through the lot of hardships they went through pulling the relationship for a long 28 years. They had a typical arranged marriage. My dad had looked through as many as 26 potential candidates before fixing on my mom. My mom on the other hand had a quick rush of photo seeing and then, another glimpse of this man during the “first meet” of the families. That was the case 28 yrs ago! They both had not even spoke a word before the marriage. For my paternal family, my mom’s looks should have mattered while my maternal family looked for my dad’s social security and job profile. My mom came from a village and she was the princess of her home. My dad was then settled in Chennai working for central govt – working hard through his way reaching where he had been. It should have been a major turn in my mom’s life to come from a remote village to metro city, but to experience facilities that are far lesser than what she had been living through.
I know their initial days of marriage would have been a literal struggle – in terms of finance, mainly. My father earned a meager 150rs per month. They dwelled in a single room which served as hall-kitchen-bedroom-guestroom-everything. The bathroom was a good half kilometer distant and water has to be fetched manually from a well. To all this, my mom didnt understand tamil. There were definitely no friends for her. My dad’s job would keep him in the factory for 10-15hrs. She had to be alone for most of the time. If thats bad, there is worst. Mother-in-law, Father-in-law and 3 sisters-in-law whose words are quite equivalent to scorpions’ stings should be dealt with for good amount of the year. Not to mention about how my mom would have missed her life prior to wedding. She got to visit her parents once in 2 years, for a day or two.
My dad was struggling his part too. With his income, he had to support his family – a very sick father, uncompromising mother and 3 sisters whose needs to be taken care of. With all these chaos, he had my mom to look after. Where’s the question of starting his own family when he is already over burdened?
In spite of all these hardships, I know why they are happy and together even now. Its the love one would say. But, there is something more to it. There was commitment and trust! My mom believed my dad, that he would definitely stand by her and support her. And there was total commitment from my dad. He knew the truth so well – My mom had believed no one but him and came miles with the hope on him and he would keep up his word. They had seen the better times later in life solely due to the companionship. They took the success to their hearts and their minds.
I respect them and their relationship so much compared to any love marriage. Falling in love with the person you know for sometime, knowing him/her in and out, understanding how the relationship would work and making it successful – had not happened to these two people before marriage where you still have the balls to decide anything. All these decisions had been thrusted up on them by their elders. There was no choice. They only took the chance and had made it the most successful one. They are the most compatible. There is adjustment and compromise. They fight for 5 minutes and laugh/talk together the next minute. That comes from the experience and the number of years of living through it. My mom knows what my dad needs and does everything in the best of his interest. My dad knows how to take care of mom and showers his affection in his own way.
They are not high degree scholars and come from a very middle class back ground -they had brought us up incredibly There is no one thing that we had been deprived of. They have taught us to be open minded, good at heart, kind, confident, determined, to be successful, yet not to be afraid of failure. They have given us a bright, happy, joyous, healthy and a very memorable childhood. I owe every bit of my success and happiness to my parents. I know I will always be their little “Pedha Papa” forever and they would love us, and be for us.
11.11.11 – Happy Anniversary Amma Nanna!!! We’ll love you till the last breath! Wishing you several such happy years of wedding. Way to go!!